Nana

Last week my Grandma Tracy went home to be with the Lord. It was very difficult week for us to be away from the family we so greatly desired to see. In a sense, going back home will never be the same again. For my entire life, Nana has always been there. From skinned knees to broken hearts she has always been a source of unconditional love, band-aids, and kisses. She has been a constant in my life, and now she is not there.

It has been a long time since I have been able to crawl up into her lap for a book. But I have had the joy of watching my kids sit there listening to my favorite story, Suzie Squirrel, and everything was the same. I can remember talking her in to going down a curly slide just to hear her scream all the way down. I remember playing our favorite game “Mixing Match-ups” together, learning to play “Sorry” with her (It wasn’t until I was much older that I learned the real rules, in Grandma’s game everyone shared spaces, the Sorry cards didn’t mean anything, and everyone always won.), and doing so many puzzles. Yahtzee was of course the best, hoping the whole time Nana would roll a Yahtzee just to hear her scream.

I still think spending the night at Nana and Papa’s house is the best vacation, and even Nicole came to feel that way. When I was a kid, there were always pancakes for breakfast (and still no one can make them the same), and no matter how early you awoke, Nana could always be found in the kitchen sitting at the table in her bathrobe, reading her Bible and praying. Always.

She was one of the most incredible people I have ever known. She was the first person I ever knew to own their own computer. She even took classes to learn how to use it. On the other hand, I remember riding with her after she had just learned to drive. (She never got great at that. And to my horror I remember telling her as a little boy to “try not to hit anybody.”) She loved her family in a way I still don’t understand and can only try to emulate. She loved us in spite of our failings, and saw the good in everyone. I suspect that all of her grandchildren felt they were the most special when they were with her, I know I always did.

I have missed her terribly this week, but I will see her again. And the greatest part of that truth is that I will see her not as she was, but as she was meant to be. Nana wasn’t perfect (though in my mind she was close), and the last few years her body worked against her. She is not in pain anymore, she is not weak anymore, she is not suffering anymore. Nana is not just a pleasant memory, or a happy feeling. She is not some sort of strength that I carry with me. The moment she passed from this life she entered a life so much more real than this one. Death is not natural – it is one of the most unnatural things I know of. A person like Nana should just go on living, her spirit was so alive, it was just her body that was wearing out. She is in heaven, not because she was a good person or a great Grandma, but because she gave Jesus Christ control of her life.

I have always felt bad that my kids could never know the Nana that I know. She has been slow and sick for all of their lives. But someday, really in just a few years, they will get to see her again as well. People sometimes ask me as a pastor if people look the same in heaven. I don’t know, but I do know I would recognize my Nana anywhere, no matter what she looks like, and I look forward to seeing her again. Until then, Good-bye!